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How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

Damn, this is old.  I remember reading an email with these quotes when I was in my early years of high school, almost 10 years ago.

(Source: pandaaamonium14)



So we all know that the guy who plays dudley’s 


grandad is patrick troughton (the second doctor)


but the guy who plays dean in harry potter/hot dead soldier in sherlock’s


dad is william russell (ian chesterton - companion to the first doctor)


hello welcome to britain where we just breed great actors

I think they miss the point where a large number of Troughton’s children and grandchildren are actors.  Hell, Patrick Troughton’s son, David Troughton, was in Doctor Who as well, in the episode, Midnight.

A Disney A Day 1: Sleeping Beauty

I’m not much of a reviewer, and in general I consider my creative writing skills to be very poor due to a lack of creativity, but I feel like I can’t have a day celebrating a movie without at least telling you why you should watch it and what could’ve been better.  But due to my lack of skill, I shall do this in a more point-like format, so, without further ado, I present:

A Sort Of Review

Why you should watch Sleeping Beauty:

- Gorgeous music.  Though it only has a few lyricised songs, Sleeping Beauty has a beautiful soundtrack, partly due to the inspiration that the score takes from the ballet of the same name.  With regards to lyricised songs, the voice of Aurora, Mary Costa, is a divine singer, and is well worth the listen.

- Lovely background animation.  I have a great appreciation for the way the main characters are animated, but I think what really recommends the film is the stylistic background animation (at least in the updated version that I own), which is really quite charming, and actually suits the aesthetic of the film quite well.

- The characters are really intriguing.  The majority of the characters actually have really interesting personalities, but the film is structured in such a way that they don’t really get explored fully.  Which leads us to:

The problems I have with the film:

- The fairies are really annoying.  I don’t know if this is a popular opinion, but it’s one that I hold, and it’s a problem when they’re the characters with the most screentime and lines.

- The film is a bit thin on plot.  So, it has the sleeping beauty plot.  But that’s actually not substantial enough to hold a film the length of Sleeping Beauty together.  Which leads to my last point…

- The entire second half of the film is a bit bland and crap.  I mean in particular when Aurora falls into her sleep onwards.  The actually quite interesting main characters have absolutely no lines, and it’s mostly Phillip getting his save thing on.  But it’s really not very fun to watch.

Disney a Day 1: Sleeping Beauty

Favourite Expressions, featuring mainly Aurora.

Gosh, Aurora and Phillip are underappreciated as far characterisation and expression goes, but dayum did those animators know how to draw interesting faces.  Aurora is the queen of ‘I know you’re hiding something’ and ‘stop shitting me’ looks, and Phillip is so good at sarky grins.  I have a special love for the shot with Phillip and Aurora together, because it feels as if he’s going ‘AMIRITE?’ and she’s going ‘please, just, go away forever’.

Special mention goes to the owl in the screencap above, who has managed to look truly creeped out by Aurora’s expression.

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